life changes.

Everyone’s life has changes, especially when your growing up your life changes massively, whether that is friendships, relationships, family. Everything in your life changes. Many people become depressed and lonely due to these changes. Its a terrible thing that happens and can take a long time to over come.

My life began to change when i was in year 9, I got into a big friendship group the best friendship group i had, loads of mates constantly out every day whether it was sunny or raining we were out in the cold in the warm. i got into a relationship with one of the boys, it was a good relationship, we had the usual arguments like every relationship did. We then got too much it started to be more constant, we ended up breaking up two days after my birthday so i was lucky enough to get gifts first :’). Now this is where it went wrong and i struggled.

After we broke up i made some big mistakes, i regret so much and still to this day wish i could change them.These mistakes caused me to lose my friends, friends i knew from preschool. I become a loner, they all bullied me making me feel worthless, i guess it was a revenge sort of thing for the mistakes i made. I still to this day struggle to cope with what they did. I just couldn’t wait for year 11 to come and end. I had zero friends in year 10 and year 11, all my mates were against me and they’ll be times i gain them back and have a right laugh but then some way ill mess things up and lose them again.

My own sister was part of this friendship group, i already hated it when she joined, i always felt i had to be someone who im not because shell judge me for it, felt like i had to be quiet because shell judge what ill say. when the group fell out with me i excepted my sister to stay by my side and find new friends but instead she stayed with them and judged me hard and took there side. i guess that was because she had a boyfriend in that group but even so i assumed she’d be able to cope with not hanging around with him at school and help me, she use to rub in my face that shes going out places with the group try and make me jealous, it worked as well.

whilst we were in year 9 i had to cope with the fact that my mum had found someone new and is getting married, it was quite hard to take in. we went through a lot with my dad and her ex that i never thought shell be re married. there still together now after a lot of crap that happened.

anyway back to the life changing the main life change i should say. I was still alone had no one to talk to, no one to hang around with, the so called “popular” would always judge me as well as the old friendship group i had. I spent most of my time running around school avoiding the group, they were so keen in making me angry that they wanted me to throw the first punch (i never did), i use to pretend i had appointments and leave school to go for a walk or go home telling my mum i felt sick and i would just sit in my room and cry. I use to eat in the toilets gross right? well it was the only place i felt save i would cry and the same time. I did P.E as a GCSE course yes P.E err the worst subject i did, we would play rounders and id be on one of the bases ( it was easier on a base) they would be behind me with the bat pretending to hit me and everyone would just laugh, it wasn’t the comfortable of moments in every p.e lesson. There was time where we were in English and they went in to the cupboard were i kept my p.e kit, they were all giggling and came out and smirked at me, i knew then they did something. We had p.e the next lesson so i went to put my kit on and it was soaked, i never felt so humiliated in my life, the fact that she was one of my closest friends from preschool to junior to secondary, i tried to tell the teacher that it was went and her reply was ” should have taken it home to dry it” that day i broke i said nothing and locked my self in the toilets, stole the keys from the chair in went in the changing room got changed and hid in the toilets till lesson finished. i went to my last lesson and said nothing did no work. Went home and cried to my mum like i have never cried before.

I thought going to college would be great new friends new life, i tried so hard to be myself but became so scared and so quiet that i spoke to noone i hated it i fell out with people because i felt they were going to be the same as the ones before, i wasnt loud i wasn’t who i wanted to be. I ended up being alone again eating in the canteen on my own feeling like everyone was against me and judging me, is it possible to feel like an outsider in a place your so use to?

im now in my second year of college, life is so different i still have no friends but im back in contact with one of the girls from the big group, our friendship may not be the same but we still speak, im back with the boy and we are better then anything. My dad is engaged has been for about 5 years, my mum is still married and wow haven’t we all gone through crap with them but we are all good, my sister still treats me like poo and makes me feel worthless, i have two step sisters, a step brother i haven’t met, a three beautiful siblings, i was the youngest now im one of six mad right? two older sisters younger brothers and a baby sister.

so my life changed massively over something that seems so small. I still struggle now even though its been 2 years since i left that school, i miss the group and would do anything to make that group back but everyone’s changed and gone separate ways. Its hard to overcome the pain that people cause but the main thing to do is dont look back, look forward, think of today, tomorrow. not yesterday or yeas ago. They dont care they dont remember. Live life in the present not in the past

i hope you enjoyed this short story of the main impact of my life. if you want to know bit more about my life and how i felt about my mums and dads break up or anything else then please let me know in the comments. thank you ! below are a picture of me now, me and my boyfriend, me and my step dad and the last photo is the girls that was part of the old group 🙂

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Published by kenziekenzblog

this blog page is about basically every from lifestyles to reflections to opinon on books /tvshows/movies check out my instagram- caseydunne48 twitter account caseydunne8

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